A LETTER TO MY GRAND MOTHER..

I woke up today and i have no idea what's gotten in to me..,all i can think about is you..I wanna stop but my mind wouldnt let me..may be its the way to show me i was wrong for not praying for you,or not thinking about you for such a long time..Im not going to ask why you left,not going to ask why it was too soon,not going to ask why i could hold the feeling that ur gone then and not now...Its useless,even If I asked,who would answer me? and that wont bring you back anyways..I know you are not seeing this,may be you as well do not know im thinking about you right now..but this is just how i feel..If you stayed a little bit more,may be i wouldve been someone else,a better me may be..may be I wasnt going to go through anythig that hurts because you wouldnt let me..,I remember the way you would taste the food I wanted to eat before me just so It affects you first incase its poisoned or anything,I never really knew how much that meant,but the much i grow up,I realize it was priceless,you would actually risk your life for me every single day..that was how much I meant to you,It was how much you loved me..I know im not the person you would want to see If you were alive,I know I have not grown in the way I would If you were here but I also know I still have the love for you in my heart,the more I want it to shut,the more it keeps growing..I remember your silly little things,how you would hide money under your bed and let only me see you,that was TRUST..its funny you didnt realize that i once or twice cheated by stealing that same money from you,but because you trusted me,you thought you had probably used it roughly..haha,Im very sorry about that..but I was just a kid like any other..I remember before you left,you kept 1 sweet under your pillow,as usual i was the one who saw it..I guess it was actually meant to be eaten by me because you never really ate it untill the day you passed..well after a few days I came back for it,just to let you know..hahaha,to you I was like a daughter,I was like someone you wanted to see grow,someone you wanted to look at everyday..Remember how you would try and help me do my homeworks?you did not know anything,but you tried your best..though i got exes(wrongs) everyday in school,i still do appreaciate how willing you were to help..I guess Lord was just not going to keep you here always,to defend me,to watch me grow,to talk to me,to teach me things,to watch my smile everyday,to scold me when i was wrong,to give me the strength i always got from you..but Im thankful for the little or may be many things you taught me,how to cook tea(haha it was a funny experience) how to take a bath,you taught me Qur-an and a very lot more..you also had the chance to watch me jump and swim in the rain..I still remember how you laughed to how me and my brother would swim,jump and fall..cry and laugh at the same time,It was priceless,I remember how you would hold our clothes as jump and swim in the rain and say it was dangerous because we had asthma..but well it didnt matter to us at that time since were still smilling,hahaha..deancing in the rain was my favorite thing,you taught me that,i wonder where all the skills went now,because i hardly do it,may be when dad is around..but now i know that dancing in the rain build self confidence in me,it made the real me come out,it made me have fun,made me feel what i did..I thank you for that as well,you were probably not modernized,not rich or classic but at that time to me,you meant everything..and i know you wont see this but I just wanna let you know you were a mother to me,I guess its what you passed in the staying with me test..you will always be a mother to me,you were a mother the day you let you hands hold me,when i was very little..I miss your hugs,I miss how you spoke,I miss how you would try to help everytime,i miss how you saw the dreams in me,how you made me realize who i was,I miss how you taught me qur-an..i miss how you couldnt hold showing everyone that i meant alot to you..I miss how caring you were..and i hope you are in a better place right now,I as well promise to try harder to show the person you wanted to see in me..I MISS YOU ALOT BIBI,if  I could make wishes,feeling all those moments again would be my first wish..i love you so very much,I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU...I WISH WE WERE TOGETHER NOW..:(